it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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