I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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