god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Randomize
