VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I need a burrito and a hug.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
