I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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