I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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