Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
