I got her a Nickelback box set.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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