was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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