went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
