Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
