i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize