I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
