bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
