and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
