is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
