I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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