wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
