i need an iv and a liver transplant
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
