So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
