i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
