I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
