Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
