I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
