he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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