You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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