Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
