You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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