My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
