Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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