Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
