I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
