Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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