and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
