I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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