The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
