its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
