I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
