I'm going to jail i love you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
