I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize