get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
