Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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