So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
