She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
