don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize