Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
