My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
