What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
