problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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