first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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