I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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