what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
