Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
