Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
so much tequila, so little girl.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
