I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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