If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
