alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
