please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
