Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
pray to the hookup gods
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
