Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
