Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
