Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
