not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize