I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
