I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
