My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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