Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
