I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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