Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
