Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
